Author's note: This file is a stitching-together of three messages I posted in rec.arts.comics.marvel.xbooks in late August of 1997, in response to some folks who were under the misguided impression that Uncanny X-Men #303 was a good story.
For those who don't know, it should be noted that this arose out of a discussion about the merits (or lack thereof) of Scott Lobdell, who wrote this issue and many others in the vicinity, and about the characterization of Jubilee.
I've fixed a few typos and done a little rearranging, but all the content is the same as when I posted it. It was originally posted under the subject heading "Revisting the All-Time Best X-Men Comics (2)", so you can use DejaNews to look up the rest of the conversation.
To sum up my views on the merits of UXM #303, I present to you
Spurred by several posts on this subject, I have dug up UXM #302 and #303 and reread them. I will now pick them apart a bit at a time for your reading pleasure.
This is long. Feel free to snipe at me line-by-line, because reading the whole thing first will take a while. You might want to dig out #303 and read along with me.
In fact, this turned out much longer than I expected. If you don't see my sig at the bottom, it got snipped by the software somewhere along the way.
Okay, the fight scene is not bad and the crowd threatening Storm is evocative of Claremont. But:
The police officer's dialogue is good.
Page 23: It's obvious at this point that Colossus is beginning to doubt Chuck. As the esteemed DRH said, 302 and 303 practically scream "Colossus leaves the team soon!"
Page 9: Chuck looks like a thug, but that's an art problem and not Lobdell's fault.
I may be wrong on this one, but it isn't like Chuck to think of Illyana as "the child". It was funny when Picard spoke of Wussley that way on ST:TNG, but it's out of place here. On the other hand, his impersonation of Piotr to reassure Illyana was a nice touch.
Page 29: "l'Lanna" is a nickname for Illyana I never thought of. I don't like it.
Jubes mumbles: "Every mutant to wander through this school with the possible exception of Warlock was B+ or above". Excuse me? I don't recall Warlock ever being required to study anything, and if he were he'd simply either read the entire library overnight or absorb the knowledge from Doug and spit it up. Warlock and Doug would probably be the highest-scoring students at the school, except for maybe Kitty and Hank.
"Hold your water, already"? Weird expression.
Page 30: Another art problem. Kitty looks as big as She-Hulk.
One thing I don't know: Shouldn't Kitty have known before this point that Illyana was sick?
One other major thing: On page 9, Chuck wonders if Illyana's condition is due to Legacy or to "the constant manipulation and pre-mature acceleration of her mutant abilities over the years".
I don't know what manipulation he's referring to. Magik's powers were pretty consistent.
And what pre-mature acceleration? Sure, there were a couple of times in Limbo in which she aged a year in what felt like a few minutes, but other than that she grew up at a normal pace. And besides, she never told Chuck about any of that.
Now here's the big part. The fact that Chuck is thinking this means he thinks the Illyana on the bed is in fact a de-aged Magik - ie, the original Illyana at her proper age.
This raises a number of possibilities, including:
While the third option makes the most sense, I prefer the second one. Especially given the way it leaves a convenient opening for the upcoming New Mutants LS.
"If you read only one X-title this month, it had better not be this one!"
IWillNotComplainAboutTheArtIWillNotComplainAboutTheArt...
Page 1: The narrative says this is one of the times Jean doesn't like being a TP. Why not? This time she apparently uses her telepathy to help someone.
Page 2: Jean wants to make sure Jubes is okay "after everything that _happened_". What happened? Was there something important in 300 or 301 that I missed?
Page 4: Dammit, I don't want to complain about the art but the way Jean keeps teleporting around the room and changing moods bugs me. Jean's concerned about Jubilee. Okay, I can buy her playing mother-figure and I can also buy Jubilee feeling flattered by that.
Page 6: By this point I'm getting REALLY tired of all the hinting about "what happened". Now I have to wait till page 8 to find out. Jubilee's narrative sets us up for something major and sudden. I'm thinking Sabretooth attack or something. But no, it's just a calm lab scene.
Page 8: Look, she even says "Peter's Sister" instead of "Illyana" and barely avoids saying "the pimple". Chuck and Moira are stumped. Let's review something here. Chuck and Moira are _the_ foremost experts on mutant genetics on Earth, Chuck's got a basement full of random surplus Shi'Ar tech, and not only are they stumped but they're counting on _Forge_ to solve their problems?!? I think not.
Page 9: I was going to wonder why Jubilee was in there with Illyana and not Kitty, but Lobdell's smart enough to say that she's just filling in while Kitty fetches some towels for unknown reasons. Jubes is obviously jealous of Kitty, but she's got some misconceptions or else she'd even more deferential to someone who kicked Brood butt as a toddler. :) Funny art department: Jubes is almost flat-chested, while Kitty is hiding melons in her shirt. Yes, I notice these things in panels containing Kitty and/or Illyana. ;) But wait, what's this? Jubes has "been keepin' an eye on [Illyana] for the past few weeks"? Okay, I admit this is news to me. That almost makes her feelings for Illyana believable, but why hasn't she opened up sooner?
Page 10: I'm surprised Jubilee doesn't know Illyana's history at all.
Jubilee: "You're losin' me, red." Jean: "Hardly surprising..." I find this quote hillarious considering my opinion of Jubes's intelligence.
"Who's the hot-looking blonde?"? Shouldn't it be obvious given context? And if Jubes has really done enough reading to know who the NMs are, she should know that the "hot blonde" is Illyana.
I'll try not to gripe too loudly about the art retcons in the lower panel and on the next page. I don't know how much say the writer has over what gets drawn, so I'll assume this is the artist's fault.
Page 14: Well, this page was almost well-written. I liked the interaction between Jubilee and Chuck, though I'm surprised Jubes got the message at all.
Page 15: Nice doublespeak, Chuck. Anyone know if those long words actually mean anything? I have to wonder about the helix display. It can be written off as a clueless artist, but a DNA helix is a molecule, dammit. A freakin' big molecule, granted, but there's a limit to the resolution of the damage that can be done to it. The art deco deformation shown here doesn't wash with me.
I find Jubilee's comment about Illyana being "Snow White" amusing. I have to wonder if Lobdell knew what he was talking about when he wrote that. Sure, the young Illyana is nice and innocent but Magik was anything but.
Page 16: Whoa! Where'd this come from? Kitty actually _wants_ Jubilee around? Just based on personality they should be natural enemies. Oh, I see. It's actually Illyana that wants Jubes to stay, and for Illy's benefit Kitty must be hiding her disgust. Fine. "Kitty might not be half the dweeb I always thought she was."?? Though correct - Kitty is a nerd, not a dweeb - I don't see how this conclusion follows from the events of this page.
Page 17: This begins to explain it. Kitty and Illyana are playing shrink for Jubilee without her realizing it. At least, that would be the explanation if Claremont were writing this story. I doubt Lobdell was thinking on that level when he wrote this.
How old is Jubilee at this point? She says that Kitty is sixteen or seventeen, and mentions her own 12th birthday. There can't be more than a few years difference.
Page 19: Look, Chuck has pulled yet another Shi'Ar plot device out of his butt. Obviously he has the user's manual for it but hasn't read it, since he doesn't understand how it works but Moira does. Whoa! What's this with Moira? Too much expresso and late nights I bet. She wants to let Illyana die rather than preserve her until a cure can be found? This isn't even a euthenasia argument - Moira is flat out stating that she doesn't think Legacy can be cured at all, ever. And how is it that a device that will "maintain her genetic integrity at its current state" will "doom [Illyana] to a life in a coma"? And aren't comas easily cured by Chuck anyway?
Page 20: Stop. This is silly. The story was tolerable up to here. What the fsck has happened to everyone's minds?!? Kitty makes the big standard speech about knowing when to let go and not wanting a friend to suffer. Excuse me, but the answer is sitting on Illyana's head. Wake up!! All you have to do is turn the thing on and keep it on till Moira or someone finds the Legacy cure. Simple. And what's this assumption that the device would harm Illyana somehow. It would be just like sleeping for her, and much preferable to coughing up her lungs till she dies. Even failing that, they could *freeze* her. Cryonics tech exists in the MU, right? Just ask Reed Richards or someone to make an Illyana popsicle until the cure is found. It doesn't even take the brain of a Gambit to think of that one.
Page 21: Jubilee: "Strange. For me." This is what I've been saying in this thread all along. See, she agrees with me! :)
Page 24: Jubes reads Illy a story. Touching, until I remember that they've just voted to kill Illyana to express their frustration. Jubilee may be stupid and annoying, but everything I know about her says she should be in the other room screeching at Moira about the injustice of it all and pleading for Illyana's life. Jubilee's smart enough to recognize a waste of life when she sees it.
Page 25: Huh? Kitty was reading Illyana a no-holds-barred monotheistic religious story? Kitty is Jewish, fine, but isn't Illyana either agnostic or atheist? I'm insulted.
Page 28: Where's Forge? I thought he was on the way.
Page 29: Peter's reaction isn't too far out of character, but I wouldn't want to be around when he found out Illyana could have been saved.
Page 30: More with the Jean teleporting around. "I feel like I just want to be left alone." Isn't that the same as wanting to be left alone? So why doesn't Jean respect her enough to go away? It must be damn embarrassing for Jubes to be caught crying, but she doesn't even get a vow of silence from Jean.
This has to do with #303 - I just included #302 to get a feel for the lead-in to #303.
Most of this story is competently written, surprisingly enough. It's all superficial and of course if Claremont were forced to write this issue without changing the plot, it would have been an instantly classic issue.
Though I haven't read a great deal of Lobdell, this is (within the bounds of my experience) the best story he's ever written. Possibly even surpassing the funny stories he wrote for What The.
I'm not mad at the story because Illyana dies. I was never terribly fond of her. The character I loved was Magik, and she (apparently) died way back at the end of Inferno. Personally I don't think she really died, but that's a different rant...
I am *very* mad at the story because of the totally whacked portrayal of Moira, Chuck and Kitty that led them to murder Illyana when they were holding her salvation in their hands.
To look at the medium-sized picture, in my not-so-humble opinion this story was nothing but a cheap excuse to remove a dangling character and keep the Legacy virus fresh in everyone's minds. Lobotomy-boy is saying "Look, Legacy is a really dangerous threat! See? It actually killed one defenseless little girl! That proves it's a big, mean force to be reckoned with, even though we ignore it most of the time."
I was tempted to extend my large anti-Lobdell rant in both directions back to #300, but I decided that I could easily run on to everything he's ever written. So I'll simply conclude my essay on why the Death of Illyana plot device sucks by slamming UXM #304.
Pages 1 to 4: Okay, Lobdell can occasionally write a good fight scene. Not that this one was a shining example, but it wasn't too bad.
Page 5: How poetic. Not. I'm surprised he didn't mention the dreams about Lilandra.
Annoying Sideways Page: Well Chuck, the blood of innocents isn't really on your hands since it was Moira and Kitty that voted to murder Illyana. But that's never stopped you from shouldering emotional baggage before, has it? What nice, totally predictable timing of Lilandra's phone call. This dialogue is so contrived it's not even funny.
Page 8: Oh my, the connection fails just in time for her message to get through and let us get on with the story. How cliched. Why couldn't they just say bye and hang up? Then the usual fill-in monologue about why Chuck feels so sorry for himself. Cut-and-pasted from an earlier issue, I think.
Pages 11 to 13: Looks like Scotty Boy is trying to imitate the monologues of the greats. Nice try, but far too long.
Pages 14 to 23: What is the purpose of this? To prove once and for all that Lobdell can't write a good narrative? And what hideous art on page 20. I don't think I've ever seen a worse drawing in a Marvel comic, even counting Liefeld. And how does Magneto know about Illyana's death so soon? Is it just me, or is Magneto's speech to himself on page 23 just like countless other speeches made by Sinister, Poccy, Onslut and numerous other villains du jour?
Page 24: I can just imagine Kitty thinking "where's the Jolt?" when she looks in the fridge. :) Ororo: "You use the word 'normal' as if it were something desirable..." Isn't "normal" something many of the X-Men always wanted to be? Seems to me that was the major topic of angst under Claremont. Since when is Kitty from Dearborn? Scott, open OHOTMUDE #11 and you'll find she's from Deerfield, Illinois. How hard can it be? And the theatrics! Ororo opening the window with a gust of wind when she's almost in reaching distance. Who's going to fix the latch that probably broke? Or are we to assume they never secure the windows in the mansion?
Pages 26 & 27: Piotr, you're a jerk. A complete and utter buffoon.
Page 28: Hey, we already had a narrative monologue about the X-mansion back on page 11! Nice that there suddenly happens to be a church right next door. Why didn't we ever see Rahne hanging out there? Surely Banshee knows Mr. T.... I mean Bishop well enough by this time to know he wasn't being sarcastic.
Page 29: Oho, a setup for Sean defecting (going defective?) to GenX. I'm not much of a Banshee follower, but doesn't he have to point his face at the ground in order to fly?
Pages 30 & 31: Look, yet another multi-page page. Gotta fill out this issue somehow, eh? Ororo: "[Illyana's life] was filled... with enough contradictions to fill several lives." Uh huh. And how many of those contradictions have happened recently? Oh, so Ororo also believes Illyana was de-aged. Interesting, though it doesn't mean anything at this point for reasons I raised earlier. Art problem: the lake or river across the road. It can't be there.
Why is it Ororo making the speech? She wasn't close to Illyana. Kitty, Chuck, Piotr, Bobby and Sam should all want to say something, and Kitty should probably be the main speaker.
Now, as to the assembled crowd:
Page 32: Oh, NOW Kitty gets to cry. Obviously because she didn't get to say anything. Kitty hugs Sam? Okay, that's not unbelievable, but I'd think she'd run to Ororo first. Once again, Chuck tries to speak to Piotr. This time he gets accused of lying. It's now painfully obvious that Piotr has flipped.
Page 33: What's Colossus spouting about? He knew all along that Dream X would be costly. He was even prepared to sacrifice Illyana for the greater good back in X-Men & Alpha Flight #2. And how has Chuck's dream failed him? Just because it doesn't look like the mutant problem will be fixed any time soon?
Pages 34 & 35: Another silly splash page. Looks like this is going to be a regular-sized issue after all.
Page 36: Storm and Bobby dare to accuse Magneto of not respecting the funeral after all the X-teams failed to do so? Why does Maggie destroy the cars? There's no reason for it.
Page 38: Wow, Sam really has turned into a vegetable. And why does immobilizing the X-folks cancel their powers? Polaris, Boom-Boom, Nightcrawler, Jean, Chuck, Cyke, Havok, Bishop, Iceman, Storm and Jubilee should still be able to use theirs.
Page 42: So Maggie was pilfering Shi'Ar tech while he was headmaster, eh? I find that a little difficult to reconcile with the strong morals and loyalty to Chuck he had at the time, even when he joined the Hellfire Club.
Page 49: Yup. Maggie's definitely whacked out on wowie sauce, as demonstrated by his views on Stryfe.
Page 50: Maggie's got all this power, and he can't be bothered to repair his cape?
Pages 54 & 55: Oh that's just brilliant, Peter. Magneto just threatened to kill 10,000 innocent people and turn most of the state into a crater, and you have to go and hit Bishop in the small of the back just so you can express support for genocide instead of peaceful cohabitation. This just screams for a mind-control retcon, because there's no way I can buy Peter acting this way on his own.
Page 56: Huh? Jean's been holding that thing up by herself? She must be nearly as powerful as Mags.
Well, I'm sure there's more inconsistencies involving Magneto that I'm missing because I hadn't read much in the two years preceding this issue, but I'll leave that to others.
In summary, UXM #302 through #304 were bad. Really bad. Mind-numbingly bad. But still better than anything Raab has done.
Flame off!
/* Soleil "Ra" Lapierre www.cuug.ab.ca/~lapierrs * * See the god. Taste the wrath. */
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Last updated July 9, 2000.